Monday 3 December 2018

Is it all in my Head? - by Stuart Brunson

Recently, l attended the M3 Job Club (being currently without a job). It is a place where mid to senior managers can meet and discuss how they feel about being unemployed and take part in workshops on a variety of topics. The workshop “Planning for Success” had an ice breaker question on this particular Friday it was “If your life was going too made into a film. What would the title be and who would play the leading role”? The title l came up with was “If l had my time again” and the leading role would be played by Harrison Ford.

"being unemployed"


This got me thinking. What if you could have your life again (or some it), how different would it be? Well for me, apart from being diagnosed with prostate cancer, years later being  signed off work with anxiety /depression, and having to have counselling, being currently unemployed, and diagnosed with cancer again, l am not sure l would change a lot. The things l mentioned above are probably the things that men are not good at getting a handle on. What is it about mental health in men that seems to be taboo subjects, with a certain stigma attached that stop us from speak about it?

"l was diagnosed with prostate cancer"


In 2013 l was diagnosed with prostate cancer, not something l was expecting and not something l was aware of in my uncles and cousins. One of the things that is not offered is counselling, a place for men to share the feelings about their diagnosis. The procedures and treatments are not for this time, but it left me with feelings l had nowhere to share them.  The treatment took its toll on my body and have burst into tears in front of my then Regional manager, he told me to get myself sorted out. I went to see our GP and he put me on anti-depressants, but offered nothing else. I was forced to get back to work and l did return but then they changed the goal posts and my job was made redundant.


"showing signs that all was not well with my world"


So now we are in 2014, after taking some time out to get my body, mind and spirit back into shape, l started a new job in October of 2014. All was well for about two years, then my body was beginning to show signs that all was not well with my world. I had a meeting with my then CEO and again during that meeting l broke down in tears. The CEO said that my health was more important than the job, so l needed to get help. The CEO and the other person in the room asked if l had ever had counselling, l said l had not and had not considered it necessary. They both gave examples of how it had helped, so l agreed to look into it.


"signed off again with anxiety/depression"


It is now October 2016 and l had been signed off again with anxiety/depression.  This time l found a counsellor who l felt l could work with. Over the next six weeks we talked, l should say l did all the talking, because that is what l was encouraged to do. I was also encouraged to get out for a walk everyday and speak out anything that was bothering me (it helped). It was only after the counselling was over that l felt able to explain to my wife how l had been feeling. The counselling had helped me to put into words what was going on in my head.




"but l am in a better place because...."



It is now May 2017, l am still without a job and been diagnosed with cancer, but l am in a better place because l am better able to describe what has happened and  more importantly how l am feeling now.                         

Stuart Brunson. 

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