A place of no hope! - by Graham Foxwell

This picture may seem blank to you…..

But actually it's not!

It is a picture of a dark place, a pit of despair, a place of pain, a place of no light..... a place of no hope!

Back in early 2000......my beautiful youngest daughter was critically ill in hospital, fighting for her life.

She spent the best part of 5 years in several hospitals, some of which were 30-40 miles away from where we live. And at other times when she was at home, we cared for her 24hrs day 7 days a week. There were many times we thought we were going to lose her.

Also during these 5 years, my eldest daughter went through a very difficult and toxic divorce. 

The company I worked for, were making redundancies, and my department was earmarked as ‘at risk’! 

My Dad was in and out of hospital with dementia, and both my wife’s Mum and Dad had a major helath scares.

I had a car accident miles from home; writing off my car and sustaining concussion from a head injury.

The Youth organisation I’d built up with colleagues over several years closed; because I was unable to put the time in to run it, and no one else was in a position to take over.

My relationship between my wife and I was put under great pressure and we found it difficult to support, care and love each other.

It was at this point when my capacity to cope and deal with all of this was lost; and I had a complete breakdown, losing touch with reality and the world around me. I shrunk back into my cave.... a pit of despare, unable to communicate or move.

You could say then, life during this period was….

pretty dark, desperate and without HOPE.

I’m sure some of you will be able to relate to this next bit too. 

But as you heard in that description, the painful events going on around me, exceeded my ability to cope. And many times, when I could take no more, and I saw what I thought was a light at the end of the tunnel?! ....It wasn’t.

It turned out to be to be a freight train coming in the opposite direction; it ran into me, knocking me of my feet, bouldering me over and over again, pushing me further and further back into this deep, dark tunnel that I found myself in.

The guilt, the blame and feelings failure where a times too much.

I never knew there could be such pain from the anxiety and the hopelessness I felt.

I am not exaggerating when I say, at times I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest with the pain, and I thought I was going to die.

I sunk deper and deper into a black pit of depression.

I tried in vain to get myself out of this pit; but It felt like depression stood over me like an angry fighter, who had already knocked me down many, many times. And it would whisper in my ear

“don’t you dare try getting up, I will just knock you down again and again and again!”

My hope seemed to be slipping away.

I remember saying to someone,

“how can there be hope, when clearly there is none?”

You may be desperately seeking escape from, low self-esteem, a broken marriage, depression, anger, addiction, bullying, money problems, workplace problems……the list goes on.

Perhaps you’ve been suffering for months, years, or even decades; waiting for someone to pick you up, dust you off and say, "it's going to be ok".

Well; if you are in this place, or somewhere like it, I can tell you from experience……

There is hope to be found.

When we understand that the circumstances we find ourselves in may not change and we cling to hope, we then start to believe and experience life better.

We then let go of a desire to be safe and trouble free. And It is then that hope sets in and healing starts.

A great philosopher called Epictetus once said….

When we let go of the stuff causing us pain; the emotional, physical, and mental stuff.  Well-being begins to take over.

We then begin to have, peace, joy and calm in our lives…..

We find our happy place…..

Love makes a re-appearance, and you learn to love yourself……

We start to get back our patience, kindness and goodness……

We feel secure, composed and in control of our lives……

We have hope.

So, Back to my story….

Through years of pain, tears, anger, desperation and some very dark thoughts of running away and taking my own life.

I learnt to cling to the hope that was my faith and belief in a great power then my own strength. You may find hope elsewhere, but through my faith I was then able to climb out of the pit of despair I found myself in and embraced that hope.

Today, my daughter is stands restored from her illness. She is now married to a wonderful young man who had stuck by her though all of her illness. She has two beautiful daughters and a son of her own; which is miracle in itself, because the doctors said, that if she did survive this illness, she would be unlikely to be able have children. For the last few years she has been working with young people in a local youth organisation helping them with their challenging lives.

My eldest daughter is now re-married to a wonderful man and they too have a beautiful daughter and son. she is working as an oncology nurse in the local hospital. 

My dad seemed to gain a new sense of life and a partial healing from the dementia, right up to when he passed away a few years ago.

And my wife’s parents are doing pretty well too.

I know I am very lucky, and things don’t always turn out this well. And sometimes you cannot see that light at the end of tunnel because everything is so dark. 

But please understand me and believe me when I say, this is not the end for you, this is not the rest of your life, it will not always be this way…..

There is hope to be found.

Thank you for reading this and I hope you found it useful.  If you want to know more, please get in touch through the Man Shed website www.themanshed.org.uk 

Thanks

Graham


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